Zeus in the morning

The kitten, Zeus, seems to have adopted a daily ritual now that we have worked out his issues with waking everything up at 5am. Working at home has also given me great insight into his morning routine. Now this probably isn't exactly what he is thinking, but I am pretty sure it is damn close.

Ooooohhhh! 6am. Wakey wakey time!

*hops on bed*

Oooooohhh! Feet! I dare you to move one. Go ahead! Do it!

ATTACK!

Gonna wake up now, ain't ya!

What ya doing? Are ya peein!?

Fuck your coffee! GIMME FOOD!

Please?

C'mon!

Fuck my life.

You going downstairs? See ya in a few.
Hi, big cat. 

ATTACK!

VANQUISHED!

Downstairs time. 

What up? Is that a lap? Is that a keyboard? You aren't using that, are you?

PURR PURR PURR.

Going upstairs? Gimme food!

Thanks!

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Up until this point, he is a sweet, playful, loving kitten with big blue eyes. I proceed to go downstairs to work. A few minutes later the thumping begins. Chairs start to wobble. The dog barks. The asshole cat hisses. I go upstairs and see it. The blue eyes are gone and in their place are black orbs. The soft fluffy kitten is now a rabid puffed up fuzzball of death. 

Its him again! RUN AWAY~~!

FAT CAT ATTACK! ATTACK AGAIN! VANQUISHED!

HolyshitwhatthefuckamIdoinginthisroom!?

RUN FAST!

DOOR!

PERSON IN ROOM! TO THE BED!

Shit! Why am I on this bed?!

TO THE OTHER ROOM!

Fat cat atttack!!@#

VANQUISHED!

DOG! 

CAT!

SHIT!

RUN!

Claws need sharpening. Claws need sharpening. Claws need sharpening. 

Why the shit am I sharpening my claws!? 

TO THE OTHER ROOM!

TOY! KILL!

TOY TOY TOY TOY TOY TOY!

TO THE OTHER ROOM!

HowdidIgethere!??!

KITCHEN! To the table! FOOD GONE! FUCK!

TABLE OMGWTFBBQ~

Why are my claws not sharp!?

Its that guy again. RUN!

Shit! Missed the fat cat!

Must go back! ATTACK!

FINISH HIM!
FATALITY!

That basically goes on for an hour or so. He then climbs onto a bed and passes out for 6 hours and becomes the sweet, fluffy, blue eyed, purr monster again.

Self Realization

I will just start out by saying that when I was younger, I knew I was different from other guys. Starting in Junior High School, I noticed that things were different as we hit puberty. I really wanted to be like everyone else, but it just wasn't in my genes or something.

Throughout Jr. High and High School, I did my best to be like all the other guys. I did my best to act and look like them, but it seems I was not destined to share the level of "guy-ness" that they all seemed to be born with.

After high school still attempted to be like everyone else, but it ended up wrong and was way too rough for me to keep doing it. I finally decided that I had had enough of trying to fit in. I had to go against the grain and just be myself.

From that day forward, I have been shaving up instead of down. A much closer shave and only have to do it every other day.