It seems to be happening more and more. We got this latest guy. There as another guy a bit ago that got caught doing some humanitarian work. We have that chick that is the sister of that other chick that is on TV. About the only shithead that doesn't get held in North Korea is Dennis Rodman, and we want them to keep him!
This is not the only story I am sick of hearing about on the news. There is also the ever so prevalent "dumbass hikers got their stupid asses lost in the wilderness and we are spending a ton of money to find them" story. Honestly, if they figured out how to get where they are, let them figure out how to get back. If they are stuck on a ledge, lost in the forest/desert/mountain/river/lake or anything else, LEAVE THEM. Why should my tax dollars or park fees or anything else go towards preventing Darwin from removing another dipshit from the planet?
They don't call it wilderness for shits and giggles.
wil·der·ness
ˈwildərnis/
noun
- 1.an uncultivated, uninhabited, and inhospitable region.
Get it? If you get lost in something with that for a definition, you deserve it. Don't come back. Feed the locals with your tasty meats. Ferfuckssake...if you can get lost when you can mount a GPS to your fucking eyeball, you deserve to die alone in the wilderness.
There is a reason I do not go hiking in the wilderness. There is a reason I do not climb mountains. There is a reason I do not snowboard. I have a simple rule for that covers pretty much every extracurricular activity.
Can I die doing it?
If the answer is yes, I politely pass on whatever activity is involved. Since I am not dead yet, my rule seems to be working just fine.
Yes, I know I can also die driving to work, walking down stairs, eating grapes, aggressively farting, etc. However, I am MUCH LESS likely to die from those things. As most everyone knows, I can almost kill myself opening a package of cotton balls. Why would someone as accident prone as myself actively put my fragile person in harm's way?
Anywho, back to the main point. As we are entering yet another ski season in Utah, I am anxiously awaiting to hear about the first fuckwad out-of-bounds snowboarder that gets himself buried in an avalanche...bonus points for a corpscicle. I look forward to the father and son team on their out-of-bounds snowmobiling trip where the crying trophy wife whines about how they "were supposed to be home last night". I am pretty sure we will put another notch on the "dead boy scout" tree. I am predicting one dead and one injured hunter for this season...super double bonus points if they are together.
Now if they would just start sending the search and rescue bill to these dipshits, I would be satisfied. If they just stopped looking for them, I would be extremely satisfied...might even giggle.
