My cat is still an asshole

Peacefully dozing at 1am while Mitzi marathon watches some show. A small tremor shakes the bed. The dog lets out a small cry. A rumbling noise permeates my cranium. A gentle touch to my face. Pointy objects dig into my cheek. A small voice cries out in the night, "Meow."

Seems Poopsqueek ate all the food.

I roll over onto my side away from him. He slowly creeps down the bed, making sure to annoy Hans once again, and makes his way to my calves. 22 lbs of cat is now standing on my legs in an attempt to make them move me into the other room to make food appear. He eventually gives up and leaves after annoying Hans yet again.

As punishment for waking me up...

Every time I see that asshole sleeping I am going to push my finger tips into his face, roll him over, and then poke his hindquarters several times.

Complete. Total. Asshole. Cat.

Body wash and shaving cream

Forgot again to put a new bottle of body wash in the shower. The giant bottle of Head and Shoulders became Head and Back and Arms and Legs and Butt and Belly Wash.

Also...a warning...Neutrogena Skin Clearing Shave Cream is FACE ONLY. I repeat...FACE ONLY. Think I am going to be tingling for the next few days. Feels like a damn minty air conditioner is going off in my pants.

Again...FACE ONLY!

So...uhm...yeah.

Metered entrance ramps

Today I am making the fun commute to work and finally get to the turn lane for the freeway entrance. There are two turn lanes and I notice that there are 5 cars in the left lane and 4 in the right lane. However, there is also Mr. Brakeandcreep slowly moving up to the end of the line in the right lane.

I jot over to the left lane and wait. The light eventually turns green and my lane speedily moves into the on-ramp and the line of cars waiting for their brief green light.

The right lane I notice that Mr. Puttputtbrakeandcreep is slowly coming around the bend behind me. I look at ahead of him and see the sweet sweet back end of a tractor trailer. I blink and swerve into the right lane which does not give him enough time to speed up and block...he actually attempted to do just that.

Anywho, I look in my rear view mirror and see a look of utter and complete frustration on his face. In my mind I am thinking, "Do it! You know you want to. Just do it!"

I see his head pivot, glance into mirrors, and there he goes. Quick lane change into the left lane. I giggle.

As we move forward, the tractor trailer is just a couple of cars in front of me. He gets his light and my lane jumps forward. The minivan behind the truck was not speedy enough and misses his light. I get my green light and look back to see Mr. WhatthefuckwasIthinking 6 cars away from getting his green.

It is sad that there are people like him in the world. This was not a single occurrence. This happens a few times a week. I see people swerving and cutting other people off just to get out from behind a tractor trailer in the metered entrance lanes.

I swerve to get behind them!