Hans and the house keys

Yesterday I was driving home and heard a commercial talking about HVAC and they mentioned that you must change your filter. Oops. I decided that I must go get a new filter for my HVAC. A quick trip to Home Depot and filter is in the car, in the house, in the HVAC. I then realize that I must run another errand. I grab my wallet, grab my phone, grab myself, hop out the door to go to my car, pull the door closed...

Motherbitchfuckerballgoddamnit! Keys are still inside the house.

It is now starting to get windy. The temperature is hovering in the 90s. Humidity is approaching sauna levels.

A quick call to Mitzi at work and she says that she will leave early to let me in. "I will leave in about 20 minutes after I finish eating." *sigh*

Fast forward to bedtime. I pass out but am awakened by Hans adjusting his sleep spot. Seems Mitzi is still up and decided that Hans and I can snore together. That dog can put me to shame on occasion. Anywho, I waddle to the restroom, then head out to say hi to Mitzi. At this point Hans has woken up and noticed that he is alone...so so very alone. I hear a whine, a jingling of his collar, feet walking around on the bed. A minute later it sounds like there are half a dozen dogs having some sort of kinky sex orgy on the bed as Hans tries to figure out if he will survive the drop to the floor to make sure that we have not deserted him for a new family.

I wander back in the room, see a dog that seems to have survived some near death experience, slither back into bed. Hans is quite traumatized and decides that wedging his butt into my armpit is the only way he will feel safe. I allow the snuggling, settle into my pillows, begin the process of sleeping.

A few minutes later I hear something. It isn't loud. It was quite brief. My best attempt at spelling out the sound would be something along the lines of "pfffff". Fucking dog farted in my armpit.

Hans slept on the far corner of the bed for the rest of the night.