Yesterday afternoon I got hungry. I ventured to the kitchen to see what tasty treats were available. Since Sunday is grocery day, the treats were limited. I checked to see if any of my tasty cereal boxes were there but alas, the cupboard was bare.

I then caught in my peripheral vision the lonely giant Costco box of Kashi Go Lean. Now, this box has been lonely due to previous attempts at eating some. I decide to throw caution to the wind and pour a bowl so I can avoid another hypoglycemic attack.

The rest of the day goes pretty well. I have a tasty adult beverage or 4 and head to sleep. Suddenly, around 1 or 2 AM, I am awoken by a strange feeling in my entire torso. Things are moving, making noise, and causing discomfort. Twenty minutes later, Mitzi asks if I am throwing up in the bathroom. I say, "no. it was the fucking cereal again." I couldn't feel anything below my manboobs once I got off the pot. I was slightly dizzy and felt as if I had run a marathon.

So...my take on Kashi Go Lean and the name behind it.

1.) After you eat a bowl, your gums are so shredded that the thought of eating anything else is painful to comprehend.

2.) After choking down a bowl, you are so bloated that you are incapable of consuming anything above and beyond a glass of water.

3.) 8 to 12 hours after forcing this gravel filled cardboard down your face hole, you experience a type of dysentery that feels like you are expunging your innards along with enough natural gas to power Las Vegas for a week.

So, after Mitzi and I used up a few bowls worth of this shit, the 3/4s that is left is headed for a landfill.

Sitting on the couch

So, I am sitting on the couch kinda half watching TV and I thought of something I found interesting. I figured that I may post about this subject to entertain all of you. In my beer addled brain, a small distraction occurred. After letting my brain mull this new thought over for a bit, I remembered that I was going to post about my original thought. 

Sadly, my brain was incapable of recalling my initial brain synapsis and it faded away. Frustrated, I attempted to recall this thing that seemed to be so interesting. Meanwhile, I was also thinking of other things. As I am attempting to think of the original thought, I started to think of why I was incapable of remembering it. After a bit of contemplating my inability to remember the original thought, I completely forgot that I was trying to remember it and was instead trying to figure out how I can forget something so quickly.

At this point the TV became semi-interesting, but it didn't last long. I then started to remember that I was thinking of something. At this point, I had gone so deep in trying to remember stuff, I gave up and figured I would confuse everyone on how my brain had done some sort of multilevel Inception type thing and forced me to stop thinking all together. I decided that 5 minutes of TruTV would prevent any thought processes for the time being.

I think I really need a vacation. I was watching something on TV and the phone rang on the TV. I muttered a few choice words and ran downstairs only to realize that the bitchdick on the TV has the same Avaya ringtone that my phone does.

Asshole cat has been avoiding me today. I think he is planning something.

I had more that I was going to post about a vertically challenged gangster I saw on TV, but I don't want to be butt raped by Hitler in hell. I think I am like one or two posts away from that.

Leave a Voicemail

There are people that will call someone, get voicemail, hang up.

There are other people that will call someone, get voicemail, leave voicemail.

There are assholes that call someone, get voicemail, call again, get voicemail, call again, get voicemail, call another phone, get voicemail, call first phone again, get voicemail. These people need to be stabbed in the butt with the phone they used.