Yesterday afternoon I got hungry. I ventured to the kitchen to see what tasty treats were available. Since Sunday is grocery day, the treats were limited. I checked to see if any of my tasty cereal boxes were there but alas, the cupboard was bare.

I then caught in my peripheral vision the lonely giant Costco box of Kashi Go Lean. Now, this box has been lonely due to previous attempts at eating some. I decide to throw caution to the wind and pour a bowl so I can avoid another hypoglycemic attack.

The rest of the day goes pretty well. I have a tasty adult beverage or 4 and head to sleep. Suddenly, around 1 or 2 AM, I am awoken by a strange feeling in my entire torso. Things are moving, making noise, and causing discomfort. Twenty minutes later, Mitzi asks if I am throwing up in the bathroom. I say, "no. it was the fucking cereal again." I couldn't feel anything below my manboobs once I got off the pot. I was slightly dizzy and felt as if I had run a marathon.

So...my take on Kashi Go Lean and the name behind it.

1.) After you eat a bowl, your gums are so shredded that the thought of eating anything else is painful to comprehend.

2.) After choking down a bowl, you are so bloated that you are incapable of consuming anything above and beyond a glass of water.

3.) 8 to 12 hours after forcing this gravel filled cardboard down your face hole, you experience a type of dysentery that feels like you are expunging your innards along with enough natural gas to power Las Vegas for a week.

So, after Mitzi and I used up a few bowls worth of this shit, the 3/4s that is left is headed for a landfill.