Today I started the daily routine. I typically don't start so early on a Wednesday since I work at home, but I have to go to the office to let some guy in to test a circuit.
As I am going through the motions of cleaning myself in my morning shower, I start to think about my daily beautification routine and how any missed step can lead to disaster.
6am - Wake up
6:05 - Let cat out to go pee
6:07 - Make coffee
6:10 - Get first cup of coffee
6:15 - Let cat in to eat
6:25 - Let cat out to go poop
6:26 - Second cup of coffee
6:40 - Let cat in so he can sleep on bed and fuck with Hans
7 - Finish coffee
7 - 7:45 - Do work. Answer emails
8 - Shower
8:02 - Wash hair
8:05 - Wash face
8:07 - Wash body
8:10 - Shave
8:13 - Get dressed
8:15 - Lament my lack of coffee
Today I screwed up my routine. I was washing body and decided to scrub my entire back. As I was rinsing off, I noticed a complete lack of soap in certain areas. My decision to alter my routine nearly ended up in lightly rinsed body parts. Another time I put goop in my hair before deoderant. Left the house wondering why my pits felt funny.
I have also, in the past, screwed up other parts of the routine. Once I was too tired to "let cat out to go poop". He pee'd on the floor right behind me in protest.
I have decided that if anyone fucks with my routine, I will find out where you live, hunt you down, and pee on your floor.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Floors can kill
So, last Saturday...not this one that just happened, but the one before...I decided to do a bit of cleaning around the house. At some point I decided that something under the bed needed to be moved. I laid down on the floor and made the mistake of having my right arm tucked under my body as I used my left arm for reaching.
After a few seconds of reaching for stuff, I hear and feel this loud pop. This pop seems to be emanating from my right rib area. Suddenly a cavalcade of pain encompasses my torso and I think I let out a little squeak. It would have probably been a bigger squeak had it not been for the excruciating agony that my ribs were now introducing to my body.
Anywho, cleaning was now complete! I suffered through the day by finding a comfy position on my couch and used liquid pain killers to dull the shattered ribs.
Coughing...holy shit monkeys.
Poopin' and peein'...I will never eat or drink again.
Lifting anything...it can stay where it is.
Monday was work. Made it through most of the day, but headed back to couch land early.
Tuesday was work at home, so I was able to suffer through it a tad better, but the couch was my friend.
Wednesday I was searching teh intarwebs for home rib-ectomy procedures, but decided to call the doctor instead. Sunofaonvacation!
Thankfully, my umpteenth visit to Instacare was better. Seems not many people decide to injure themselves on Wednesday, so I got in quick. Suffered through the nurse and doctor giggles regarding me injuring myself by laying on the floor. X-rays show nothing broked. Got my meds and headed home to blissful doping.
Friday...oh god, Friday. Hans decided he was Humpasaurus Rex and went to town on his teddy bears. I was too doped up to notice. Wake up Saturday to Hans looking and acting like me. Seems he threw out his back with his love making session. He tried to bark but it hurt too much. He couldn't lift his head to look up. Cried each time he had to move. Teddy bears will now be locked up when he gets that sparkle in his eye. We both used the couch for our recovery.
Saturday...decided that I would accompany Jason on a search for his fridge and I would get my closet doors while out. Forgot to take pain killers. This wouldn't have been a bad idea had it not been for the mode of transportation. Pickup trucks and a shattered rib cage do not mix well. As my body tensed and contorted to prevent my ribs from crunching against each other as Jason seemed to locate each and every bump on the road, my entire body started to hurt. Quick trip back to the house and a Lortab later and I was a rambling giddy mess of a human being.
So...floors can kill. They are dangerous, evil, rib shattering hellspawn.
After a few seconds of reaching for stuff, I hear and feel this loud pop. This pop seems to be emanating from my right rib area. Suddenly a cavalcade of pain encompasses my torso and I think I let out a little squeak. It would have probably been a bigger squeak had it not been for the excruciating agony that my ribs were now introducing to my body.
Anywho, cleaning was now complete! I suffered through the day by finding a comfy position on my couch and used liquid pain killers to dull the shattered ribs.
Coughing...holy shit monkeys.
Poopin' and peein'...I will never eat or drink again.
Lifting anything...it can stay where it is.
Monday was work. Made it through most of the day, but headed back to couch land early.
Tuesday was work at home, so I was able to suffer through it a tad better, but the couch was my friend.
Wednesday I was searching teh intarwebs for home rib-ectomy procedures, but decided to call the doctor instead. Sunofaonvacation!
Thankfully, my umpteenth visit to Instacare was better. Seems not many people decide to injure themselves on Wednesday, so I got in quick. Suffered through the nurse and doctor giggles regarding me injuring myself by laying on the floor. X-rays show nothing broked. Got my meds and headed home to blissful doping.
Friday...oh god, Friday. Hans decided he was Humpasaurus Rex and went to town on his teddy bears. I was too doped up to notice. Wake up Saturday to Hans looking and acting like me. Seems he threw out his back with his love making session. He tried to bark but it hurt too much. He couldn't lift his head to look up. Cried each time he had to move. Teddy bears will now be locked up when he gets that sparkle in his eye. We both used the couch for our recovery.
Saturday...decided that I would accompany Jason on a search for his fridge and I would get my closet doors while out. Forgot to take pain killers. This wouldn't have been a bad idea had it not been for the mode of transportation. Pickup trucks and a shattered rib cage do not mix well. As my body tensed and contorted to prevent my ribs from crunching against each other as Jason seemed to locate each and every bump on the road, my entire body started to hurt. Quick trip back to the house and a Lortab later and I was a rambling giddy mess of a human being.
So...floors can kill. They are dangerous, evil, rib shattering hellspawn.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Rob Zombie concert and some other band
So, last night I went with Dane to see Rob Zombie at Usana. Had a beer before we left.
We met some of his friends and... oh look, beer!
Once the mile long line of people had entered the stadiumthing, we made our way in. 20 feet past the gate... oh look, beer!
20 feet later... oh look beer!
10 feet later... oh look beer!
This continued every 10 or 20 feet all the way down to the concession stands which had... oh look, beer!
After a while, some music started playing. It was loud. It eventually ended. I think it was a DJ or something. Oh look, beer!
After another while I heard some more music. At some point during the first song, a dying walrus started to groan into the microphone. During the next song I think they duct taped a microphone to a penguin and started to kick it around the stage.
Dane and I headed to our seats in the lawn area and noticed that Marilyn Manson was actually the source of the noise. We endured one song from their expansive and multifaceted repertoire and headed back down to... oh look, beer!
Listening to Marilyn Manson live is like watching a 400lb quadriplegic try to climb over a fence.
Anywho, eventually Rob Zombie came on. It was quite amazing.
I don't want to be awake today.
We met some of his friends and... oh look, beer!
Once the mile long line of people had entered the stadiumthing, we made our way in. 20 feet past the gate... oh look, beer!
20 feet later... oh look beer!
10 feet later... oh look beer!
This continued every 10 or 20 feet all the way down to the concession stands which had... oh look, beer!
After a while, some music started playing. It was loud. It eventually ended. I think it was a DJ or something. Oh look, beer!
After another while I heard some more music. At some point during the first song, a dying walrus started to groan into the microphone. During the next song I think they duct taped a microphone to a penguin and started to kick it around the stage.
Dane and I headed to our seats in the lawn area and noticed that Marilyn Manson was actually the source of the noise. We endured one song from their expansive and multifaceted repertoire and headed back down to... oh look, beer!
Listening to Marilyn Manson live is like watching a 400lb quadriplegic try to climb over a fence.
Anywho, eventually Rob Zombie came on. It was quite amazing.
I don't want to be awake today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)