Poopsqueek goes to the Vet

So... Asshole cat, who is actually Poopsqueek, got into a fight a week or so ago. He got injured on his hindquarter. He didn't like anyone to touch it at first, so I just kept an eye on it. It eventually stopped hurting, scabbed up, seemed like all was going to be just peachy keen.

This morning he comes to visit me whilst making my morning delivery. I reach down and feel his wound. Of course it is now a lump on his backside. I call the vet and make the appointment. I leave work early to go to the vet. I get the cage. I place Poopsqueek in the cage and the fun begins.

MWOOOOOEEEWWWWW! HHIIISSSS! MEOOORRROWEOOWOROOOQOOROQQWWQWWWW!
Meow.
MEEERRRROOOOWWWOOOOOWWWWWW

Now, I have a relatively small car. The cage thing doesn't fit very well in the front seat. About 2/3 on the seat and 1/3 off. He decides to sit in the 1/3 part of the cage. Everytime I brake, the thing leans forward and thunks into the dashboard. The meowing gets louder. Each time I accelerate it flops onto the seat. The meowing gets louder. Thunk, flop, thunk, flop, thunk, flop. All the while he is screeching and growling and meowing and driving me batshit crazy.

15 minutes later, I arrive at the vet. The noise continues for a few minutes and we get in the room. Seems that Poopsqueek has gained a few ounces and now tops out at 18 pounds. They shave his butt. The scab comes off with the hair. We find two puncture wounds. It seems that my cat is a wimpasaurus and was probably running away and got bit on his ass. My 18 pound cat...ran away.

Of course, this is the cat that is incapable of jumping over a 4 foot fence. I have seen him chase cats across the yard. The other cat leaps over the fence with the toes barely touching the top. My cat grinds to a halt with a "foiled again!" look on his face. The other cat will stop on the other side and look back with a "you gotta be shitting me" look on his face. Not that I mind. He isn't getting into trouble and keeps all the cats out of the yard except for the scraggly white cat he seems to be friends with now. Maybe she offers him a tasty milkshake.

The vet says that we can give him antibiotics. Two options are me giving them to him orally, or they can give him a shot. They say that the stuff I would give him is liquid. I take the shot option. They laugh when they say it is charged by the pound. Damn fat cat.

Anywho, $102 later and a bald backside and we exit the vet.

15 more minutes of...
Thunk, flop, thunk, flop, thunk, flop...
MWOOOOOEEEWWWWW! HHIIISSSS! MEOOORRROWEOOWOROOOQOOROQQWWQWWWW!
Meow.
MEEERRRROOOOWWWOOOOOWWWWWW

Yes, my cat can pronounce words with the letter Q in them. He is talented.